Ohhhhh Sandra!!! We hear you, hun!! and we are here for ya!!! First of all, breathe, darling, just breathe!! Even that first breath can be the hardest!
Second, I've been there!!! Most of us (if not all...) have been where you are, terrified of losing someone or something that is more than precious to us!! I know I've said this more than once or twice (or a hundred times!!), but the picture of all of your Ofamily holding you tightly is a powerful image!
Third, I can tell you the story of losing my daddy or my daughter recovering from death, but this isn't about me. It's about you and the One who loves you and cares for you. No matter what, He will not leave you comfortless. You may not feel anything right now, but I know for a fact that He is whispering your name, He is calling out to you, he is singing over you, he is comforting you!! Right now, you don't have to do anything, but just be...
Fourth, I am personally a practical person. I need practical ways to "get through" things. Most of the time when I present a problem to Mr Gorgeous, I do need him to fix it. But sometimes, I just want him to listen and hold me. After 18 years, he's learning which time is which! So, first of all, know that I am "holding" you tight!! (see above the picture of your Ofam surrounding you and your daddy!!). And second, I'm going to tell you that if you started this journey as a believer (or even if you didn't), one of your best faith weapons is the Bible. I cannot tell you how many time my soul has been saved by reading a simple line that says, "I will not leave you comfortless!" straight from His mouth!!
So after saying that, and at the risk of being politically incorrect and posting scriptures on an open forum, I'm going to do just that!! These for me were weapons to get through the intubation of my youngest:
Psalms (the entire book!!) mainly 31 and 34
and my alltime fave: Matthew 11:28-30 - He wants you to take his easy burden and he'll take ALL of your worrying!! He will "find rest for your soul!"
At the risk of being even more obnoxious, I wrote a song based on that scripture...you can hear part of it (enough to get the point!)
HERE!!
I, too, appreciate what everyone has said, and I want to reiterate that we are all searching! We all have really bad days filled with hopelessness, but we are all NOT ALONE!! that is one thing that makes us such a wonderful family here!! So, Sandra, keep searching...and keep believing...