Ice Breaker: What Advice Did You Share With Your Children?

[faerywings]

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Yesterday was my dad's 83rd birthday and it made me think about how my parents have aged and how I end up giving them advice these days instead of the other way around.
[Case in point: They were having trouble with their landline and needed to get in touch with a doctor. I suggested to them "You can call from your cell phone" ]
That also made me think about how my kids are going to give me advice in 20 years. [Mom, you are 73, you shouldn't be climbing on the counter to reach the top shelf of the cabinets]

That kind of advice is superficial, however. I consider some of the advice they have given to me over the years as developing my core values. They told me that family means everything. That if anyone ever asks you to put them or a job above your family, it is ok to leave. They have told me that when things stress you out, you "eat an elephant once slice at a time." When someone is happy/sad/worried/tired/celebrating/grieving/blah/sick/got good news/fill in the blank-- you cook! That I blame on my Italian upbringing-- which comes from both of my parents )
I think I have passed much of this advice on to my kids. We all struggle a bit with the elephant advice. The food/cooking bit-- that one has stuck hard and fast. The family before everything- that one is the most important and I know that they have taken it to heart. Family doesn't mean just the four of us, it is open and welcoming and accepting to new members. But we all know that family is the purpose of it all.

What is one piece of advice your parents shared that you've passed down to your own children? Do you have silly bits of advice that you have shared, deep, philosophical stuff? If you don't have kids, what would pass along to anyone in the next generation? Don't eat the yellow snow is always a good one

Looking forward to your advice!

 

[veer]

Gosh Chris, I've been thinking about that so often lately, especially now that we ourselves have to ask our children in 20 or 30 years' time, although I sometimes have to ask for advice when it comes to electronics

 

[Cherylndesigns]

Wow Chris, you got some great advice! How lucky you are! I'll have to get back to you on this. Oh, my grandmother said "don't ever go to sleep angry". That was a little odd coming from her because she was always mad at my grandfather. LMBO - I think it was her saying "do as I say, not as I do". My dad told us never to start a fight, but to "finish it" if somebody started one. Luckily, I was never in a physical fight at school.

 

[faerywings]

Gosh Chris, I've been thinking about that so often lately, especially now that we ourselves have to ask our children in 20 or 30 years' time, although I sometimes have to ask for advice when it comes to electronics

Isn't that the truth? It becomes cyclical!

 

[faerywings]

Wow Chris, you got some great advice! How lucky you are! I'll have to get back to you on this. Oh, my grandmother said "don't ever go to sleep angry". That was a little odd coming from her because she was always mad at my grandfather. LMBO - I think it was her saying "do as I say, not as I do". My dad told us never to start a fight, but to "finish it" if somebody started one. Luckily, I was never in a physical fight at school.

I bet if my mom ever told me to not go to sleep angry, my eye would pop out of my head in disbelief. She is a million times more likely to tell me to never give up a grudge hahah!!

I was given that advice about fights, passed that one along to my kids. That is a "keeper" if you ask me.

 

[taxed4ever]

Family is everything! That advice came from my parents also! Along with "Never leave the house without kissing good-bye and saying I love you"! That one always stuck with me, because you never know what might happen when you are away! Another was "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". There are tons more, but I will leave those for another time.

 

[felis]

My dad told us never to start a fight, but to "finish it" if somebody started one.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Gosh, it is so obviously that we live in two opposite parts of the world, the society in my country is build around the idea of masculinity and the need everybody at every moment to be ready to prove leadership. Literally the first service of any online forum is people to have place where to argued. In the physical world ambition and careerism are respected and to be arrogant is actually charming.

However!
Something I'm frequently said to my children is: ''a bird is not food'' , as they are only cats this is very important message. But It also came from an old proverb we have here: ''Not everything that flying is edible.''. Which is supposed to mean that you shouldn't trust on shiny words and people, but to being very critical about easy given promises.

 

[veer]

Isn't that the truth? It becomes cyclical!

yes that is the truth, it frightens me sometimes when I think about it

 

[faerywings]

Something I'm frequently said to my children is: ''a bird is not food'' , as they are only cats this is very important message. But It also came from an old proverb we have here: ''Not everything that flying is edible.''. Which is supposed to mean that you shouldn't trust on shiny words and people, but to being very critical about easy given promises.

For me-- it is "Stop eating the grass, you know it will make you throw up."

 

[Adryane]

I think my favorite was "It's easier to say out of trouble than get out of trouble."

 

[mywisecrafts]

So my adopted parents gave advice that didn't always make sense. The one thing that did and I tell my kids is that "hard work and being reliable is important." My kids are sick of hearing this.

Now, I tell my kids all the time that life isn't fair and that it's my job to ensure they are mentally able to navigate disappointments as life has disappointments, but only they can choose what they walk away with when that happens. I totally believe that mental health is important and I 500% believe that mental illness is real. I also believe that as a parent, it is my job to ensure that my kids understand that disappointment, sad, angry etc are normal healthy feelings, to feel those feelings but know what is an appropriate response to those very feelings.

 

[faerywings]

Esther- that advice is not easy to give *or* receive. Good for you to work with them on it.

Another one that I try to remind my kids and my mom (while trying to abide by it myself) is that I can not control anyone else's behavior, only my own reaction to it.

 

[Cherylndesigns]

I bet if my mom ever told me to not go to sleep angry, my eye would pop out of my head in disbelief. She is a million times more likely to tell me to never give up a grudge hahah!!

I was given that advice about fights, passed that one along to my kids. That is a "keeper" if you ask me.

You made me LOL!

 

[Cherylndesigns]

So my adopted parents gave advice that didn't always make sense. The one thing that did and I tell my kids is that "hard work and being reliable is important." My kids are sick of hearing this.

Now, I tell my kids all the time that life isn't fair and that it's my job to ensure they are mentally able to navigate disappointments as life has disappointments, but only they can choose what they walk away with when that happens. I totally believe that mental health is important and I 500% believe that mental illness is real. I also believe that as a parent, it is my job to ensure that my kids understand that disappointment, sad, angry etc are normal healthy feelings, to feel those feelings but know what is an appropriate response to those very feelings.

I can relate to the advice that didn't make sense. I still mull over some of the things my mom said. They didn't make sense then and they still don't. You're giving your kids great advice! I remember thinking "if I ever have kids, I'll never say this or that to them". Sounds like you went the opposite direction like I did.