Well, I sort of got my wish from yesterday. I had said that for my Temptation onThurs I would like to stay snuggled under my blankets all day. It wasn't for all day and it wasn't for a good reason, but I did hide under them for a little while.
I didn't start the day out on good footing. I had PMS, am on Tindmax aka abx From Hell which makes my moods crazy, and this weather literally hurts me all over. The anxiety over the drs appt was just niggling away at me and finally I called the office right before we left to make sure that they had my referral. The receptionist first tells me that I was not on the schedule *heart drops* , then she finds me on the new patient list. But they were not able to see any patients. A pipe burst and they couldn't allow anyone into the office until the Fire Marshall cleared them. I was able to reschedule for Feb 5.
I haven't cried or been really upset or angry about my diagnosis. But this really put me over the edge. So I had a little Pity Party. Def. asking the why does my luck always have to be so crappy? I mean-- a pipe burst on the day I am supposed to see a dr about cancer? Really??? I am seriously so emotionally drained, that I just feel numb. I think I cried a little bit as Gary hugged me after the phone call, but they were tears of just plain frustration. I am just so tired. Done. I feel like I am on auto-pilot.
I probably need to get myself into therapy. I have to see if I can find someone I like in my plan. I loved my old therapist but when I lost that insurance and then got a really bad plan, therapy wasn't covered. I started to see a woman in a non-profit but that ended up being the same place where I had a dr threaten to call DYFS on me re: Scott and his Lyme treatment. I want nothing to do with that place now.
This thought just popped into my head and I need to write it down because I have to admit this to myself. "I need help."
Wow.
That thought is hitting me harder than anything else I have been through in the last few years. I hate to admit I need help for anything, even unloading groceries.
Shit.
I am sorry, I have to go. I can't think too much about this. Need to distract myself or I will be a big mess.
Sorry for no personals today.
Love you all.
I didn't start the day out on good footing. I had PMS, am on Tindmax aka abx From Hell which makes my moods crazy, and this weather literally hurts me all over. The anxiety over the drs appt was just niggling away at me and finally I called the office right before we left to make sure that they had my referral. The receptionist first tells me that I was not on the schedule *heart drops* , then she finds me on the new patient list. But they were not able to see any patients. A pipe burst and they couldn't allow anyone into the office until the Fire Marshall cleared them. I was able to reschedule for Feb 5.
I haven't cried or been really upset or angry about my diagnosis. But this really put me over the edge. So I had a little Pity Party. Def. asking the why does my luck always have to be so crappy? I mean-- a pipe burst on the day I am supposed to see a dr about cancer? Really??? I am seriously so emotionally drained, that I just feel numb. I think I cried a little bit as Gary hugged me after the phone call, but they were tears of just plain frustration. I am just so tired. Done. I feel like I am on auto-pilot.
I probably need to get myself into therapy. I have to see if I can find someone I like in my plan. I loved my old therapist but when I lost that insurance and then got a really bad plan, therapy wasn't covered. I started to see a woman in a non-profit but that ended up being the same place where I had a dr threaten to call DYFS on me re: Scott and his Lyme treatment. I want nothing to do with that place now.
This thought just popped into my head and I need to write it down because I have to admit this to myself. "I need help."
Wow.
That thought is hitting me harder than anything else I have been through in the last few years. I hate to admit I need help for anything, even unloading groceries.
Shit.
I am sorry, I have to go. I can't think too much about this. Need to distract myself or I will be a big mess.
Sorry for no personals today.
Love you all.
