My daughter and I did a little family linking in Laguna Beach over Christmas. Pretty emotional...

Generations. Family ties. Descendents. What is it about that urge, desire, to know where we came from? Its constant and unrelenting, isnt it? Its a particularly strong pull when the ones you love leave too soon. There is so much to wonder about. So many details left unknown. So many questions left unanswered. I am here. My children are here. We are in tact. My beloved parents gave me life late in theirs. Mom was 41, Dad, 52. I didnt have them for long. My sister left too soon as well. So much to long for. So many important people to miss every day. Mom. She of the incredible legs and quick sense of humor. Dad. So gentle and knid. Jennifer. Beautiful, smart, best friend. I do so miss them. On the other hand, life must go on. I take great joy in what I do know of them. The memories, the photos. Stories of challenges overcome; the Great Depression and World War II. Feelings of being loved that will never leave. So here we are in 2012. Thirty two long years since Mom, twenty eight that Dads been gone. Jennifer, 10 years ago now. My kids know them through me and the photos and stories. Dads own father dying when mine was 22, leaving him to raise 6 siblings during the Depression. Moms crazy family. So many dramas! And here, in 2012, my kids desire to know even more. And so, this Christmas, spent in Laguna Beach, California, was one more opportunity to find the continuity. To define the family a bit more. To create a touchstone to them. To stand where they did. For several summers during the mid 1950s, Mom, Dad, Cindy and Jennifer settled in the car and drove from Albuquerque to Laguna Beach. From what they told me, it was pure joy. They adored it there. I grew up with stories of the Capri Laguna on the beach. I knew it was still in existance and was determined to stand where they did. Sarah and I walked in and found the pool still there. The pool where they stood for these photos. So here we are creating our own memories and stories and tying ourselves to our past, to theose who put us here. Little had changed by that pool. It wasnt the new hotel of the 50s, but it was surely recognizable. And so there we stood Was there an essence of them there? I felt it. It made me feel a little warmer inside. And Sarah, too. People dont necessarily need to be present to be with us. They are there in the words and deeds and love they left behind. I miss them dearly and wish my girls and husband could have known them. Through me, they do.


Anna Aspnes

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