i did this jouranling last night when i couldn't sleep at like 1am. i couldn't finish the layout then because I finally went to sleep! i just needed to get it all out. This challenge couldn't have came at a better time


products used:

both papers by karah fredricks

doodle by kim de smert

Staple by joanne brisebois

stitching by cinzia

buttons by paint the moon

date stamp by Cinizia


journaling reads:
The first month, people are everywhere. They call every day; they stop by on their way home from the places they go day by day. They bring food. I dont think I went to the grocery store for a month. We had so much food in our fridge we were sending it home with people. They family is all off of work, they drive in from out of town. The world stops, or so it seems. Then the shock and awe fades, it becomes old news to others. People dont call as often, out of town family goes home. We have to start falling into a new normal. And you realize, life goes on. Others get involved in their own personal lives and struggles, and you are reminded that its not all about you.
Thats when the loneliness starts. The sadness, the pain and the hurt. It all sinks in. When it all happened, my pastor commented to my mom how strong I was being and how much of a rock I had been for my family. My mom responded She is, but watch her. When its all over she will break down. I have to be strong for my family, I have the responsibility. I have to make sure there is a funeral that is fit for my dad, I have to answer the questions to family members wanting answers, .answers that I dont have. I have to go to court, to pay the bills, to manage the estate and the house. My family helps as much as they can. But all in all I carry the burden. Sometimes its really heavy. Im tired. Im tired of trying to find the positive. Im tired of being understanding. Im tired of being tolerant. Im tired, just tired. But I cant sleep. I started a blog about taking life as its given to you, and learning to be joyful, and focus on the blessings God has given. To trust the Lord and rely on the strength he gives. I cant even post there. I dont feel very joyful. The thought has occurred to me about sharing about how Im feeling that Im trying to find the joy and the good that will come from this awful experience.
That some days I succeed. I have joy, peace, and love. But others I dont. I struggle. And sometimes I just get sad. Maybe people need to know that you can live a spirit filled, faith-filled life and still struggle. Sometimes my attitude sucks. I know. Sometimes Im overly emotional. I know. Sometimes Im irrational, childish, insecure, and negative. I know. Im working on it. Dont forget what Im dealing with. Be patient with me. Im hurting. Im trying. Im trusting God. But Im angry, Im sad.
I need prayers and support. The shock and awe is over. But the sadness is here. Dont forget about medont forget. Though the sorrow might last for the night, the joy comes in the morning..