Let me add what is not in the journaling. I lived many wonderful years in Arab countries and my son has spent many of the last 8 years away from home in the two war zones. Somehow it all has to make sense but maybe not in my lifetime. I REALLY don't want to offend anyone.

9/11 is a day I dont like to look back on. Im not one to dwell upon injuries or wrongs, or want revenge. That is not what my life is about. I have dreaded this upcoming anniversary for all the feelings it stirs up in all of us. Feelings are neutral. Acting on them in ways that are destructive is what bothers me. But it was my country, my home, my heart that was hurt.

When the news started coming in at work, I thought it was a freak accident. Then more news came in, and some from a very reliable spouse of one of my workmates. We had news before the tv stations and computers had it. We learned that not only the Pentagon had been hit but another plane was on its way to DC. One by one, we went to watch a tv and when the towers collapsed, most of us just got up and went home. Work was irrelevant. Life with a loved one was what mattered and I sobbed in my husband's arms.

I started thinking - I had dated an American Airlines pilot who had the IAD-LAX run. One of my close friends worked at the Pentagon. I was so grateful that my son did not work there but learned after the fact that he DOES spend most of his time there but was elsewhere that day. Washington DC has been my home even for the many years I lived outside the US. This was my home, my loved ones who were at risk for the kinds of horror I had seen in so many other places in the world. That protective shield I had childishly held that it can't happen here had happened. It was my home, my heart that shattered. (ETA corrected the can to can't)

Photo is a news photo that I photoshopped in 2001
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