For the Day 7 - This is December Challenge.
This page was healing and hard for me to make.
Journaling:
When thinking about what December means to me, I have to think long and hard about what I want to focus on. There are so many thoughts running through my head and my heart. If I go the nostalgia way, there are a lot of fun and wonderful feelings. However, those feelings became all frozen in time on December 25th, 2015 with a simple ring of a phone. That was the day that I sat looking at the twinkling Christmas lights on the tree and wondered how life would go on. I was sitting on the couch my Momma had yet to see, in the house she never visited yet, and that phone call that ended it all. My precious Momma had been killed in a car accident on the way to our annual Christmas dessert and puzzle party at my cousin Kevin’s house. Living in Las Vegas, I was already feeling lonely because I couldn’t share Christmas with my family, but I was desolate after hearing the news. How could December, and the most wonderful time of the year ever be that way again? How can I ever look at a Christmas tree with twinkling lights on it and not think of that night? Would Christmas ever be the same? No, but it can be good again.
Time passes, and it’s now been 8 years since that night. I can’t say that the month of December and the preparations for Christmas have been tear-free, but I can say that life DID go on, no matter how hard it was at the time. Each time that I take out Momma’s creché and set each piece out, I hear her voice, and I see her face when she opened the pieces for Christmas so long ago. I remember her delight and joy at all that was Christmas. Yes, the tears are still there, and I dare say that they always will be there. But December isn’t ruined. It still means good things to me: Family, Friends, Fun, Food, and most of all, the birth of Jesus. I still delight at all the traditions: The Polar Express on the Friday after Thanksgiving, putting up the tree, putting out the Creché, decorating the house, driving around seeing all the pretty lights, The Bellagio for the Conservatory display, Midnight Mass, Christmas Carols, the cool touch of the winter breezes, and memories of when I was little, when all the family got together and it was one big happy bunch of kids and ripped up wrapping paper, bicycles, guitars, coveted presents, and all of us getting together and celebrating. December has come home again.
