I figured it was time to get some nice pictures of my mom and so i brought my camera up last Sunday and just started clicking. She thought it was silly to take so many.
Journaling:
This isnt the life you expected to have. I know that. You never expected that you would be dependent on anyone, certainly not me. You never expected to live in a nursing home, or need help bathing yourself. You never expected to need a wheelchair. You never expected to lose your short term memory. You never expected to be so lonely.
I never expected to be your caregiver. I never expected that you would need me to remember. I never expected that you would need me to do your hair, your nails, put on your shoes. I never expected to have to know your meds, your allergies. I never expected to be the one to make major decisions for you, financial decisions, too. I never expected that without me your health would suffer miserably.
No this is a very unexpected life for us, but it is one that I am so grateful for. I love being there for you, caring for you. I love putting your hair in rollers on Sunday mornings, so you feel pretty for the rest of the week. I love that I can still make you laugh and that you make me laugh all the time. I love that you are here. Thats it, just that you are here, for me to love. I know its selfish, and I would have felt very different about that had you not recovered as well as you have, I am well aware of your wishes, but thankfully, YOU are still here. I hate the days that you are bored or lonely, the days you long to get up out of that chair and go for a walk. It breaks my heart. I am the youngest of your seven children, why is it that it is only me that knows and cares for you? Maybe forgetting somethings arent so bad. I am so honored to be the one that matters. What an incredible gift I have been given. I will be here, always and forever. As long as you need me. I am your daughter.
Katie Pertiet
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