Right side of my two-pager. Journaling reads: Some days I feel like a terrible mother. Some days I don't know what to do for you, how to help. I hear you coughing and choking, snorting as you struggle to breathe smoothly, and my heart breaks. Is there anything I could've done differently? I know this is a pointless line of reasoning no matter what. It won't help you get better. Instead I need to focus on doing everything in my power now to help you heal, grow, develop, and blossom. I can snuggle you and soothe you, and give you what only a mother can: a mother's love. But most importantly, I can pray for you and trust that God holds your tiny body in His strong arms, and He can heal you. Yes, He'll probably use doctors, and it's my responsibility to get you to the right ones. But I know that in the end, your life and health is in God's hands. And baby, there's no safer, healthier place to be. I love you so much, Avyn! 6 months old, January 27, 2011

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