Just documenting a conversation we had the other night about Santa. James and I had decided this past Christmas that if Nate asked point blank if Santa was real that we would tell him the truth. Who knew that truth would come one night in March! Oh... and my Dad calls as Santa every Christmas Eve, so that's what Nate was talking about. TFL!
Journaling reads (probably with typos!):
I knew that this moment would come. I didnt know that it was going to be today. Its March 11, 2008 afterall. I think you are the only person in the world thinking about Christmas tonight. As we lay in bed, you set down your book and made your signature inquiry: Mom, can I ask you a question. Sure buddy. Is Santa real or do you and Daddy put the presents under the tree? Ugh. I retreat to my usual side stepping. What you do think? And you tell me your truth. I think you and Daddy do it. Thats when I called for back up. Daddy came into the bedroom and I let him know that you had a question for us. When you asked Daddy he retreated to his usual side stepping and asked, What do you think? As you repeat your answer, I am thinking to myself is this really it? Is this the moment you learn the truth? Daddy and I take an unspoken moment and look each other in the eyes, knowing that yes, this was the moment. Santas time has come. I take a deep, brave breath. Daddy walks into the bathroom and gets me some tissues, knowing even before I do that Im going to cry. We gather around you and I ask, Do you want the truth? The real truth? When you say yes, my eyes begin to well and I confess that yes, Daddy and I put the presents under the tree. You exclaim, I knew it! and provide a laugh that Daddy and I both needed at that moment. We go on to explain that we will always celebrate the spirit of Christmas and that Santa truly lies in your heart. You say I know. and then ask who you have been talking to on the phone every Christmas. I confess... I panicked. But Daddy is so smart and reassures you that it us just part of the Christmas magic. That even though you now know the truth about Santa, the magic will always remain. You seem okay with the whole thing. Daddy tells you how proud he is of you for thinking things through and asking questions, and telling you that you can ask us anything at any time. You s mile and snuggle into the pillow. I lay watching you mulling it all over. I can see that you are proud that you guessed right, but are also a little bummed. My heart is sad for you. Its as though we just checked off a piece of childhood. I ask if you are disappointed. You say no, but that you feel like a bad kid for asking, that we didnt have to tell you. Oh baby, how heartbreaking. I held you and tried my best to let you know that everyone has asked about Santa and it is a good thing because it means you are getting bigger and thinking more and are so very smart. I tell you not to worry. Not to worry about my tears. Mommy is not upset or disappointed that you wanted to know that truth. My tears are from a mother who knows her blessings to have such a boy. A boy who is growing bigger every day and trusts us with questions about the world around him. And while it saddens me to think that Christmas will be just a little different next year, I hold great pride in my heart knowing that even though the truth has been revealed, you are a believer in the magic and spirit of the season. I know without doubt, that you will carry that spirit into next year and the many seasons to come in your life.

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